Best. Album. Review. Ever.

[Michael Bluth]

Coldplay - Parachutes

This is funny. Watch this. Put on your local indie-rock station. Probably you're going to turn on the college station, which means that you'll have to sit through an hour of solipsistic DJ banter or maybe a set by the Tuvan Throat Monks, but sooner or later the bands with the cry-for-attention drama cuts on their wrists'll start warbling about ex-girlfriends, flying, and their own mortality. Which is a roundabout way of pointing this out: indie rockers think they're the living end shit because they listen to Weezer and Coldplay, and how underground is that? But then you turn on Mtv, and after 6 hours of gameshows and bling-bling documentaries, they are going to validate themselves the same way that the indie rockers do. This is a death-knoll for indie. I'm very, very sorry, but you're going to have to get all your little emo tattoos covered up.

Anyhow, when I first heard "Yellow" on the radio, I thought Thom York had a stalker, and that said stalker would be summarily hunted down and punished. I wasn't too sure what the constant refrain of "?and it was all yellow" was referring to, but I swear to God it made me think of vitamin pee. It still does, actually. And that yodeling thing that he does, while it's supposed to sound- I dunno, haunting?- just sounds like the singer is still struggling with adolescence.
But the album kept popping up into my world. Friends would be playing it as we ate dinner. Girls would try and use it for a soundtrack for sex (absolutely not. It is definitely an album that makes people feel the need to express undying love a few seconds after orgasm. And few things in this world obliterate afterglow faster than a confession of undying love.). And the radio was practically trying to rape me with Coldplay! Coldplay! Coldplay! So finally I sat down and listened to the whole album to determine whether or not it was Art.

It wasn't. It was well produced, so slick you could slide right down it, but do you know what you have when you produce an album full of clich餬 whiny, Brit-pop? Crap. I wanted to break the lead singer's fingers. Not once, but again and again throughout the course of the album, I wanted to cause him pain. It was annoying. Like you know when your friend comes over and her boyfriend just broke up with her and she's crying her eyes out and you have sympathy for like ten minutes of "there, there, it's okay," and then the sympathy stops and suddenly you utterly understand why the guy left her in the first place and you want to scream at her to just stop already, Jesus Christ, you only dated for three months but it goes on and on and finally you think up some lame excuse about why she has to leave? It was exactly like that, except that there was no possibility of sex.



http://ruthlessreviews.com/coldplayparachutes.html

[Travis]

I'm going to review a Coheed album or something and say how shitty it is. Because Coldplay has about 10x more talent than Coheed.

[Michael Bluth]

I'm going to review a Coheed album or something and say how shitty it is. Because Coldplay has about 10x more talent than Coheed.


http://www.ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/negative11.jpg


Coldplay fucking sucks. They can't play instruments and the vocals are absolutely terrible. I can understand how some people would not care for Claudio's vocals, but when it comes to playing instruments they are extremely talented. Coldplay couldn't touch Coheed when it comes to talent, because quite frankly, Coldplay has none and Coheed is loaded. It'd be like kicking a retarded puppy, with Coldplay being the retarded puppy, of course.

[C.J.]

That's your opinion, and I'm with Suzuki. I dig Coldplay much more than Coheed, though I do like Coheed. To say that they are lacking talent is retarded in itself. The lead singer has a voice that gives me goosebumps at times, whereas Claudio's vocals make me cuss up a storm.

[Travis]

All the people in Coheed do is pick really fast so it sounds all complex and shit. They aren't that great.

[Virtual]

Coldplay is freakin' awesome. I love the piano sounds in Clocks.. Vocals aren't too bad either.

Coheed and Cambria suck. They just pick really fast, but they do have a nice sound. That is until the vocals kick in. Sounds like whiny girls who didn't get there way. Makes me want to cringe. Their music videos suck too.

[Fugazi]

Yes, they just pick really fast...do either of you actually play guitar?

You guys are retarded.

[Virtual]

Yes, they just pick really fast...do either of you actually play guitar?

You guys are retarded.
I play my cousins guitar. :monster:

[Boggy700]

That was a very opinionated review.
The guy didn't even make a point except to say that the vocals really annoyed him.
Which he then proceeded to reiterate again and again.
Do people really have nothing left to care for other than listening to people say how much is Chris Martin's voice is high-pitched and that it annoys them?
How many times can one person listen to the same phrases over and over again.
It must be like recording your own voice and playing it back repeatedly.

Maybe your Coldplay hating friends never tire of 'The Coldplay guy has a high pitched voice! Hahaha!!!' jokes, but the rest of the world wishes that you would all move on.
Find something newer to make fun of, because this got old over three years ago.

I wish people would stop saying 'My band is better than your band' because we aren't going to change our taste in music.
I for one am glad that you enjoy your kind of music, but do you really have to bring it down to a competetive level, where nothing can ever be proven? (Except the popularity of a band, maybe.)
And I thought that usually the more well-known and popular band was, the less underground 'points' they score.
Because we all know that all popular bands are both comercial and mainstream, and therefore bad.

Oh, and I just now heard a very small selection of Coheed And Cambria.
I must say, if you listen to these guys then I thought for sure that you'd understand that certain singers won't appeal to everybody.
Chris Martin may sound pre-pubescent and high pitched, but this C&C guy sounds like he's half woman and half helium.
But you know what?
I'm not going to mock him every chance I get for over three years.
I'm not going to say they suck either.
I'm just not going to listen to them!
What a novel idea!
Alexander Graham Bell didn't invent the telephone so he could listen to people talk.
He invented it so that he could hang up!

So let's recap.
Not everybody likes what everybody else likes.
It's childish to make fun of people's personal preferences.
Both Coldplay and Coheed & Cambria have equally easily unlikeable voices.
Be kind to your fellow man.
Even underground/indie is becoming mainstream.
Don't listen to music you dislike.


For nobody in particular's information, I don't have anything better to do than type this up.

[ch33f]

Disturbed, Sevendust, Flaw, Foo Fighters > Anything else. Now stfu.

[Michael Bluth]

Do not group Disturbed with Sevendust. Do not.

[Travis]

I love the way you post this insanely biased article about Coldplay but when someone criticizes a band you like you shit yourself. Funny stuff.

[Resident Darkness]

Incredibly funny stuff.

[Shayde]

The Scientist video > All. Its just so damned cool.

[ch33f]

Do not group Disturbed with Sevendust. Do not.

Disturbed are awesome.

[Haris]

With all due disrespect, Coldplay bites large wrinkly ass.

[X2_revolution]

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/negative11.jpg


Coldplay fucking sucks. They can't play instruments and the vocals are absolutely terrible. I can understand how some people would not care for Claudio's vocals, but when it comes to playing instruments they are extremely talented. Coldplay couldn't touch Coheed when it comes to talent, because quite frankly, Coldplay has none and Coheed is loaded. It'd be like kicking a retarded puppy, with Coldplay being the retarded puppy, of course.

Now, I wouldnt say Coldplay suck. They r wonderful musicians. But, Coheed is good too. I guess Im just weird because I like them both, but I have a very broad range of music. I try to appreciate all types of music because all have something to offer.

Plus, i dont think Coldplay was going for "indie". Its more pop.

[C.J.]

Boggy = Correct.

[Virtual]

I love the way you post this insanely biased article about Coldplay but when someone criticizes a band you like you shit yourself. Funny stuff.

That's Adam for yah. He shits himself like this with every post he makes.

Disturbed are awesome.

Yes, yes they are. *listens to Liberate*

[nolifeking]

Both Coldplay and Coheed sucks, so why agrue over who sucks more.

[Michael Bluth]

I love the way you post this insanely biased article about Coldplay but when someone criticizes a band you like you shit yourself. Funny stuff.

Because the band I like has a little thing called talent, which is why I have an argument.

[Travis]

Because the band I like has a little thing called talent, which is why I have an argument.

Haha...you are so ignorant.

[Michael Bluth]

I love how all Coldplay fans never describe the "talent" that Coldplay posses, all they can come back with is "omg stfu coldplay r0x0rs u suck u ass". But hey, at least you're raising your post count.

[ch33f]

I'll agree with Adam for once, Coldplay is pretty terrible.

[Travis]

I love how all Coldplay fans never describe the "talent" that Coldplay posses, all they can come back with is "omg stfu coldplay r0x0rs u suck u ass". But hey, at least you're raising your post count.

Their talent is making good music.

[Fugazi]

'Good music' doesn't even mean 'good music' anymore. Now it just means what you like. And bad music means what you don't like. It's all opinionated now. There can be no such thing as 'good' or 'bad' music, because someone, somewhere, is bound to like it. And who really decides what IS good or bad now? Rolling Stone? Hell no.

Different strokes for different folks.

In short: I like Coheed, and I don't like Coldplay. But I don't go as far as to say it is bad music, because all music has different purposes, and pleases different people.

[Michael Bluth]

Their talent is making good music.

Hey no need to get so technical. :uhoh:

[Boggy700]

What does it matter what a band can do technically anyway?
If they can't make an enjoyable song with their 'talent', then they sound bad all the same, despite their skill.
Just because someone can play an instrument really well doesn't mean that they can compose an enjoyable song.
And people find different things enjoyable, so why bother arguing about which band is is better?
Suppose that one of the two bands actually was better in all aspects.
It doesn't change the fact that there are people who will and people who wont enjoy one/either/or both bands.
Why argue about who is better, when the music stays the same anyway?
I asked that already, didn't I.
But I would like an honest answer, all the same.

[Travis]

Hey no need to get so technical. :uhoh:

Hah. Does it really matter how good a band is technically? Isn't their purpose to make pleasing music?

[Michael Bluth]

Hah. Does it really matter how good a band is technically? Isn't their purpose to make pleasing music?

Haha...you are so ignorant.

[Travis]

Haha...you are so ignorant.

0mg t3h pwnz0r3d m3h!!1!1!! u r 50 4wsum!!!!1!1

[Michael Bluth]

Not as bad as you pwned me with your arguments about skill. :(

[Gopherchux]

wow, i dont like coldplay, and i really like coheed.

my comment has been made.

[Darkness_Essence]

I neither like Disturbed or Coldplay!!

Now, you two boys shut the fuck up, and go stand in the hall :P.

[ch33f]

I neither like Disturbed or Coldplay!!

Now, you two boys shut the fuck up, and go stand in the hall :P.

If I knew you I would fucking beat you shitless!

Disturbed fucking rule. Currently Playing: Disturbed - Prayer

[Darkness_Essence]

I wasn't even talking to you, you little brat :|

Go back to practicing your potty-training.

stupid kid!

[ch33f]

I wasn't even talking to you, you little brat :|

Go back to practicing your potty-training.

stupid kid!

Eat shit you stupid old seedy son of a bitch.

[Darkness_Essence]

Listen you worthless piece of $hit, I'm entitled to my opinion, and so is everyone in these forums, and when I say "I don't like Disturbed" , means it's my fucking opinion that they suck donkey's balls. So, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

I like many bands that I'm sure 95% of the members here dislike, or are indifferent to, and that doesn't give me the right to dis them. I simply respect something called "having a different opinion".

I really think I'm wasting my time here, buzz off you annoying insect!!

[ch33f]

kthxbye.

[Darkness_Essence]

^^ best reply ever, truly mouthful.

Shane p0wned me!!

woot!!!

[ch33f]

:D, Alright!!!!!

I love this shit!

How about you go listen to some loser moan about living in a beatiful world and stfu.

[Darkness_Essence]

Lol, I hope you really didnt think I thought you owned me or something!!

God, to think I'm arguing with someone whom I could baby-sit!!

I won't even bother to discuss my taste in music with you, because I know with your level of intellect that it's pointless.

grow some pubic hair; get a life!!

[Crow]

ffs its a matter of taste if they say they like Coldplay leave it as that, just quit the flaming

[ch33f]

Lol, I hope you really didnt think I thought you owned me or something!!

God, to think I'm arguing with someone whom I could baby-sit!!

I won't even bother to discuss my taste in music with you, because I know with your level of intellect that it's pointless.

grow some pubic hair; get a life!!

HAHA, reality check for you dude, you are 26, on a Nintendo forum, in a little faggoty "clan" called the "flocke of dicks". I believe it is you who needs to grow up. Just because you didn't hit puberty untill last week it doesn't mean others arn't as genetically fucked up as you, I would like to enlighten you with the fact that my groin region is a fucking hair jungle.




Recomended Bands that you should listen to before you payout my music choice again:

Flaw/Foo Fighters/Sevendust/Millencolin/Tool/A Perfect Circle/Godsmack/Systematic/Rage Against The Machine/36 Crazyfists/Adema/Chevelle.

[goku2057]

Disturbed, Sevendust, Flaw, Foo Fighters > Anything else. Now stfu.


Damn, we kinda like the same music...Creepy.

EDIT: Keep on subject and stop all the silly flaming.

[Haver]

Coldplay have made some great songs - Yellow, The Scientist, songs which prevoke an emotion within you (no, not violence/hatred) which is what music is all about.