Drug poem

[KamiKaZe]

First of all, I've never taken any drugs, nor will I ever. I just came up with this one night. It's not quite finished, but considering how lazy I am, it's about as finished as it'll ever be.

"Take this," they say
And hand me some pot
"Go on, kid.
Just give it a shot"
Hey why not?
I'll give it a try
What harm could it do?
It's not like I'll die
What a feeling I got!
They really weren't lying
My senses reeled
I felt I was flying
I flew through empty space
Free as a bird
I passed by known faces
Familiar voices I heard
I could hear what they said
"Come down, come down"
But I was having so much fun
With this new feeling I had found
I could stop if I wanted
"Just wait and you'll see"
That's what I told them
How hard could it be?
So time after time
I soared through the air
My mind was at ease,
Without a worry or care
Suddenly I realized
My stomach felt sick
The wind blew more harder
The air became thick
I couldn't stop now
Surely I would fall
I was way too far up
High above any wall
It was then too late,
I realized with shock,
That I had been falling the whole time
Just like a rock
Down, down I went
Into the dark abyss
I tried to fly again
But it was useless
I'm hurtling down in a spiral
This is my fate
I should've heeded the warnings
But now it's too late
I can hear the voices again
But now they are sad
They are weeping over me
For the life that I once had
I am not falling now
But floating instead
I drift into nothingness
I am dead.

[KamiKaZe]

So....any comments at all?

[alpha]

That is great. Druggers are such attention hogs.

[KamiKaZe]

I <3 you alpha for appreciating my work.

[Rabunis]

Very well written. There's a few minor alterations I'd make such as 'The wind blew more harder' = 'The wind blew harder' and maybe a few other touch ups but otherwise it's a nice piece. And this is from someone who smokes weed himself :dur:

[Lord Worm]

I've never seen anyone smoke a joint and then have the sudden desire to climb something.

Unless the climbing and falling was symbolic of a temporary euphoria followed by an eventual downward spiral into self-destruction.

[Flaccid Acid]

^Obviously. A lot of times people who who do drugs always love to remind people how much they do drugs and how awsome they are because of it.

[Santa Claus]

I've never seen anyone smoke a joint and then have the sudden desire to climb something.

Unless the climbing and falling was symbolic of a temporary euphoria followed by an eventual downward spiral into self-destruction.
I climb outta bed for a midnight dooby snack all the time.

[Lord Worm]

Yeah, but like a wall or a ladder or something?
I'd just say, "Fuck that", sit down and watch Futurama.

[Jon]

I do drugs, omg, I am so fucking cool.

So Lord Worm, we still up for that bowl when I go to Calgary?

[Orgasm Simulator Robot]

I do drugs too.

[KamiKaZe]

Very well written. There's a few minor alterations I'd make such as 'The wind blew more harder' = 'The wind blew harder'
You don't say "more harder" because it's not proper grammar. Like if you say something is smaller than something else, it's not necessary to say it is "more" smaller, because the "er" infers that it is more. Your English teacher would slap you for saying that.

pwn.

[Jon]

You don't say "more harder" because it's not proper grammar. Like if you say something is smaller than something else, it's not necessary to say it is "more" smaller, because the "er" infers that it is more. Your English teacher would slap you for saying that.

pwn.

You are a dumb motherfucker and you just pwned the fuck out of yourself. He was correcting YOUR error for saying 'the wind blew more harder'. Look in your poem. LMAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

pwn.

[Dark_Cloud]

Hahaha! THAT GUY MADE HiMSELF LOOK FUKIN REdICULOUS!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHA11What A L0zer!!!!

But, it's a nice poem overall. It's pretty obvious that you've never done drugs before. The "come on kid, take the drugs" thing is way too fucking cliche. That almost never happens. Seriously, most people get into smoking pot because they are bored and have nothing better to do, not because some older kid tricks them into doing it.

[Kevin]

KamiKaze pwned himself horribly.

Anyways, its a good poem though, it really clicks.