Lord Worm
02-02-2005, 07:35 AM
This would have been the first time I've sat for a good friend of mine. The room we were in was darkened. Candles were lit and incense was burning. The music played wasn't to be listened to; the soft overtones were absorbed into the walls and subtley became part of the room.
He sat on a throw of pillows on the floor, slightly reclined against the wall. This was the shamanistic approach, to be as comfortable as possible before leaving his body behind. He packed his pipe with a gram or so of crushed plant matter, called Salvia Divinorum and held it to his mouth. I was to then light the bowl with a butane torch. He drew three quick, deep lungfulls of hot smoke, held it and exhaled. He motioned that he would be taking another hit. I held the pipe and lit the bowl this time.
He drew another large breath and held it. I watched him lose his body. He slowly sat back against the wall. He exhaled, and my ears were convinced it was a death-rattle. He stopped moving, eyes open and dialated, breathing short and quick. I was briefed on this, I was to ensure that he would not get up and wander around in his severely inebriated state.
He had lost the world and replaced it with his own. His emotions were to be manifested as distinct entities, his deep-rooted fears as corporeal horros and his fantasy as reality.
He sat perfectly still for twenty minutes or so, then suddenly lurched forward as if awakened from a dream. His eyes darted in their sockets, trying to understand the sudden change that just occured. He was abruptly torn from his fantastic reality. When he rooted himself firmly in this world, he told me what he experienced.
"I became aware most suddenly, that I was standing alone on a small tropical island that was floating in space. I could see the stars and the galaxies and what I percieved as the End, but this didn't weigh heavily on my conscience as it was too far away. I say I 'became aware' of my surroundings because it had seemed to me that I had always been there, but not fully realized it until that moment.
I heard a delicate female voice calling to me from the beach that led into eternity. She said, 'Do you want to know a secret?' and I said, 'Tell me your secret, Shephardess!'. I felt myself falling, and then new scenery dissolved the nothingness. I was in a city with skies swollen with smoke and orange with fire. The quiet was unnerving and unreal, somewhere in the distance I heard the crackle of flame. Somehow I knew that the fires were feeding on human corpses, content just because they were ruining and consuming. I felt as if I was about to be fed to the fire.
I whispered, 'Tragedy, pitiful tragedy.' I looked at the sky, sanguine and heavy. I heard it crack. A fissure had formed in the middle of the sky, and the two pieces fell away to either side to reveal a great darkness which I was then projected through. When I went across the chasm in the sky, I saw that I was comming towards another city that was busy and cheerfull. I had noticed then that I was simply falling head first to the earth. I hit the ground, but I was unafraid of the impact. The ground splashed as if it were a liquid and rippled. It then solidified again and I floated to the top.
I stood up and looked around. It was warm and bright, and there were many people. I felt relieved because I was lonely, and now there were people. I wanted to make conversation, but nobody stopped to talk to me. The rejection was crippling. I felt as if I were invisible and would always be lonely. I cursed. Then I saw dark forms following each person, swamping them and crowding them, picking at their heads and wrapping their slender, inhuman limbs around their faces and throats. The people didn't seem to notice the dark figures.
Some people had only a few parasites, others had many. I wondered if I had parasites, too. I was then made aware that around ten shadowy figures had circled me, closing in on me as wolves close in on helpless prey. Everytime I counted there were more. I became panicked and tried to run. I screamed at people to help me, only to have their shadows become interested with me instead. A crowd of dark figures had formed around me. I submitted, let my guard down. I allowed them to overrun me. I felt my sanity and vitality be raped away by boney fingers and dulled teeth. I was a mass of shadow, and I felt as if every burden in the world was now crawling over me and stealing me away.
Slowly, the shadows faded. I opened my eyes and saw that I was atop a mountain, looking down upon a valley-forest. It was beautiful, and I knew that it was my reward for enduring the horrors I've seen. The world melted and rippled and spiraled away. Colours began to change, shapes twisted without changing form. I had settled into my body."
I said, "Do you always frightening things?"
"Yes", he said, "I always see horrible, horrible things."
"Then why do you use Salvia?"
"The horrors I witness are not a result of any substance, they are a result of the ugliness within myself. Salvia helps me understand and excorsize my demons, or else they will come upon me and swallow me up. By making my illnesses apparent, I can do something about them. Salvia helps me understand myself."
He continued: "I cannot guarantee a comfortable experience, but I can guarantee that any visions you witness are woven from your very soul. Do you still wish to continue, despite the possibility of realizing horrors of your own?"
"Yes", I said, "I wish to understand myself, all the ugliness and all the beauty, all the wisdom and all the fallacy, I still wish to understand the depths of my being where the light of consciousnous cannot go."
He sat on a throw of pillows on the floor, slightly reclined against the wall. This was the shamanistic approach, to be as comfortable as possible before leaving his body behind. He packed his pipe with a gram or so of crushed plant matter, called Salvia Divinorum and held it to his mouth. I was to then light the bowl with a butane torch. He drew three quick, deep lungfulls of hot smoke, held it and exhaled. He motioned that he would be taking another hit. I held the pipe and lit the bowl this time.
He drew another large breath and held it. I watched him lose his body. He slowly sat back against the wall. He exhaled, and my ears were convinced it was a death-rattle. He stopped moving, eyes open and dialated, breathing short and quick. I was briefed on this, I was to ensure that he would not get up and wander around in his severely inebriated state.
He had lost the world and replaced it with his own. His emotions were to be manifested as distinct entities, his deep-rooted fears as corporeal horros and his fantasy as reality.
He sat perfectly still for twenty minutes or so, then suddenly lurched forward as if awakened from a dream. His eyes darted in their sockets, trying to understand the sudden change that just occured. He was abruptly torn from his fantastic reality. When he rooted himself firmly in this world, he told me what he experienced.
"I became aware most suddenly, that I was standing alone on a small tropical island that was floating in space. I could see the stars and the galaxies and what I percieved as the End, but this didn't weigh heavily on my conscience as it was too far away. I say I 'became aware' of my surroundings because it had seemed to me that I had always been there, but not fully realized it until that moment.
I heard a delicate female voice calling to me from the beach that led into eternity. She said, 'Do you want to know a secret?' and I said, 'Tell me your secret, Shephardess!'. I felt myself falling, and then new scenery dissolved the nothingness. I was in a city with skies swollen with smoke and orange with fire. The quiet was unnerving and unreal, somewhere in the distance I heard the crackle of flame. Somehow I knew that the fires were feeding on human corpses, content just because they were ruining and consuming. I felt as if I was about to be fed to the fire.
I whispered, 'Tragedy, pitiful tragedy.' I looked at the sky, sanguine and heavy. I heard it crack. A fissure had formed in the middle of the sky, and the two pieces fell away to either side to reveal a great darkness which I was then projected through. When I went across the chasm in the sky, I saw that I was comming towards another city that was busy and cheerfull. I had noticed then that I was simply falling head first to the earth. I hit the ground, but I was unafraid of the impact. The ground splashed as if it were a liquid and rippled. It then solidified again and I floated to the top.
I stood up and looked around. It was warm and bright, and there were many people. I felt relieved because I was lonely, and now there were people. I wanted to make conversation, but nobody stopped to talk to me. The rejection was crippling. I felt as if I were invisible and would always be lonely. I cursed. Then I saw dark forms following each person, swamping them and crowding them, picking at their heads and wrapping their slender, inhuman limbs around their faces and throats. The people didn't seem to notice the dark figures.
Some people had only a few parasites, others had many. I wondered if I had parasites, too. I was then made aware that around ten shadowy figures had circled me, closing in on me as wolves close in on helpless prey. Everytime I counted there were more. I became panicked and tried to run. I screamed at people to help me, only to have their shadows become interested with me instead. A crowd of dark figures had formed around me. I submitted, let my guard down. I allowed them to overrun me. I felt my sanity and vitality be raped away by boney fingers and dulled teeth. I was a mass of shadow, and I felt as if every burden in the world was now crawling over me and stealing me away.
Slowly, the shadows faded. I opened my eyes and saw that I was atop a mountain, looking down upon a valley-forest. It was beautiful, and I knew that it was my reward for enduring the horrors I've seen. The world melted and rippled and spiraled away. Colours began to change, shapes twisted without changing form. I had settled into my body."
I said, "Do you always frightening things?"
"Yes", he said, "I always see horrible, horrible things."
"Then why do you use Salvia?"
"The horrors I witness are not a result of any substance, they are a result of the ugliness within myself. Salvia helps me understand and excorsize my demons, or else they will come upon me and swallow me up. By making my illnesses apparent, I can do something about them. Salvia helps me understand myself."
He continued: "I cannot guarantee a comfortable experience, but I can guarantee that any visions you witness are woven from your very soul. Do you still wish to continue, despite the possibility of realizing horrors of your own?"
"Yes", I said, "I wish to understand myself, all the ugliness and all the beauty, all the wisdom and all the fallacy, I still wish to understand the depths of my being where the light of consciousnous cannot go."