Read my poetry. I dare you.

[cubist]

Before you think this is some stupid angsty teenager shit, this isn't written about my problems. Though I do have a lot of that hidden away where nobody will ever see it. A friend of mine had a bad break up and was feeling pretty down, so I wrote about that.

And thanks to Julia, who helped to make this suck a lot less.
...:


And there we were, at the end of all things.

Upon the precipice we stand
Together, in silent admiration
The radiantly painted world surrounds
One last moment of eternity

Far from darkened rain clouds
We bask in delicate sunlight
A woven warmth of golden thread

Below, the waters throw themselves
'Gainst rock and stone immovable
Majestic waves crash quietly
Depths belied by an oceanic beauty

Above, birds waft through air
Singing a weightless harmony
A message of their own

The soft and dewy grass
The gentle, caressing breeze

A sketch of heaven

And you, my angel
Your touch, electricity
Your voice, a euphonious whisper
Your eyes, the ocean beneath

Your love, this is your art
Take my hand

But, your skin . .
Your skin is cold now
A deadened feeling washes over me

"Art is never finished, only abandoned"

I look into your eyes
And know that you are not here with me
The sun hides behind a sneaking cloud
You pull your hand away
I'm falling

You've let me go
Were you ever holding on?
Take my heart and turn from me

Crawling out of the abyss
Escape into the watery depths

Hope fades . .
Eyes dim . .
Lost in dreaming . .

And in that final moment
I see a shaft of hopeful sunlight
Breaking through the clouds
But it's too late to turn back now

Too late.

[valin]

You made the ending kind of emo!

[Ihsiin]

I like it. Sort of.

I liked the words you used and the general way you wrote the poem. However, the theme, I did not like; it's too... not angsty, because it's not quite that, but not far off.

[cubist]

Hahaha . . well Julia, I was writing it to subtly tell my buddy not to think about jumping off metaphorical cliffs, you know. Sucks for him now, but it won't last forever.


Amu, yeah, I know. First draft thing was basically "I hate my life and I'm gonna do a high dive" but I didn't like it, so it shifted, but still probably holds remnants of that angsty stuff. As for the theme . . well, it is what it is. It probably sounds stupid to write poetry for a friend, it's usually reserved for significant others and such. Like it or not (I dunno myself, but I can't do much better than this) it's . . emotionally accurate?

But hey.

[MCAHCSOW]

Everywheres I go I read people bashing angsty stuff. There's nothing wrong with it. Not one thing. I don't like lyrics that are written like so:

My dad beats me
And I hate it
It hurts me
And I hate it

But they have their purpose. Not everybody wants to fucking analyze a poem and go read a dictionary just to know what things mean.
When I first started writing, mine were very plain, and mostly shit, but every now and then I'd toss out a good one liner that was simplistic but very effective, ala Nirvana lyrics, if you had to compare.

Then I went on to be more metaphorical, with bigger words. That didn't really work out.
Then I went back to really simplistic, but I was better at it this time.
Then I went to where I am now, sometimes simplistic, sometimes really metaphorical, and usually odd, most of the time all in the same poem. It's called shifting styles.

Writing about personal experiences is nothing to be ashamed of, not every poem has to be about some larger than life problem. One minute I'll write something about lonliness, and then the next I'll write about something more "important." AREN'T POEMS TO EXPRESS FEELINGS, ANYWAYS?

So Dave, within all that, what I meant to say was... fuck people who think angsty is bad, and it's written well so be proud of it. It's angsty, yes, but it's in a "poetic" way. Only write what you feel you can write. Don't worry about spewing out "important" topics all the time. Even people like Casey who write about hating the American Dream, and other things in the lines of that, write about betrayal by friends and such.

[Cocoa Christ]

Eloquently constructed, I like the imagery you used to describe the scene. You somehow managed to take a poem with a cliche'd theme, and make it interesting to a degree. Nicely done.

[Generic Wheaties]

I'll tell you, I don't like a lot of poetry. I skimmed through this and I thought it was lame.