Help me im having problems...

[Silent Warrior]

I met my g/f almost 2 years ago. We are deeply in love. She has had 5 jobs since I met her. If she doesnt like it, she wont do it. Ive been working 2 jobs for the past 2 years. She now has a $11 an hour job at a mortgage company. Shes been there for a month now. Now she doesnt like it cause she doesnt like sitting there on the phone all day. Shes 19 and I'm 26. We just got a rented house together. we both agreed to pay half for all the bills. Ive already payed 1st months rent and all the groceries and some of the house stuff we needed and I help her with her insurence on her car and her phone bill.

She spends her money on useless crap and Ive told her to give me some money for the bills and she has yet to do so. Now she has no money. Last week she decided to take a week off without telling me that she needed a break from work. I bust my butt working and taking care of the house so both of us can live in good. Sometimes she makes dinner and washes the dishes and does laundry. But a lot of times to most of it. At times I'll come home at 10pm after my 2nd job and start cooking for us. And I'll be dead ass tired. I dont want her to quit her 11 an hour job. She wont listen to me. She's a very stubbon girl Im afraid that im gonna be stuck paying for everything. What do i do?

[Viper]

Sounds like she may not be ready to grow up yet. You have to put a foot down now. Tell her to hold up her half of the commitment or find someone else to mooch off of. If she wants a new job, tell her she must find a new on BEFORE she quits her current one. Also let her know how jumping jobs is affecting her credit (yours too if you ever get married).

Be firm, honest but sincere. If she can't hack it, you're better off without as it will cause many problems down the road.

Good luck.

[kaphwan]

Trying to get a young person to keep a job is an uphill battle. Good luck to you.

The extra element of you two being in a relationship compilcates things.

[The Dude]

I'm not trying to be an ass or anything, but dude, she's 19. That's the problem. Looking back to when I was that age I didn't know what the hell I wanted to do and pretty much lived life on the fly, not really concerned with tomorrow. Now she could be much more mature then I was but most girls at that age are not.

[Milly]

Dude, Some are and some arnt. Fair enough I still live at home, but Im saving 3/4 of my pay and im not touching it. Silent, I think you may need to press upon her the reality of this situation. If she has been home all day and hasnt done anything, hasnt started tea nothing, well cook toasted sandwiches, if she complains tell her thats all you could be bothered cooking. Stop helping her as much saying well thats all Ive got, etc etc, try and get her to stand on her own two feet, If she blatantly refuses, I would be re-thinking where your relationship stands, also can you talk to her about it?

[Galcian]

Put your foot down, if she doesn't listen or change, end it.

[Jesus]

You don't have leashes for women over there?

[Otacon305]

One word. Cocksmack.

Hm, or is that two? Or maybe it should be hyphenated... Either way, point made.

[goku2057]

I'd agree with Jimmy. If she's not holding up her half of the deal, I'd give her an ultimatum, either you move out, or start paying for stuff.


Also, not to be a dick, but, this is why a college education is important.

[Mathx]

She's young and immature, like everyone else has said, you need to stress her the gravity of the situation. Say, give her the responsiblity of purchasing all of the groceries for an entire month with her own money, or maybe tell her to pay for the mortgage for a month. And stress that if she let's this simple choir down, she's letting the relationship die.

Or if she doesn't make that much to do these choirs, tell her that she is doing all of the cooking and laundry for a month. If she doesn't do it, she doesn't eat or have any clean clothes to wear (make sure to insure that you go out and eat BY YOURSELF, if she fails) SHe might call you a jerk and say that you are ruining the relationship, but it's really a test to see her stand on her own two feet. What if you got sick? Would she just let you die/ go poor?



Also: Dude, you met her when she was 17! :pedo:

[Ravster]

I can guess that breaking the relationship is probabaly out of the question.



Just sit down and have a talk with her. Explain a few things to her. Maybe talk about she really wants to do or something....Even thinking about breaking up the relationship because she doesn't who she is (shes lost maybe?) is a bit extreme.

[IEatFriedPikmin]

break the relationship!

that is if she wont listen.

man... an $11/hour job at 19! answering phones! i want that job.

[WOW! I"M HIGH]

what an immature little fucker...11 an hour donig nothing? at 19? with the greatest guy alive (under 5 foot 3) and she's still bitching? she needs to grow the fock up, and you need to make her do that by either giving her the smackdown (tight rules) or just breaking things off.

:cheers: :cheers:

[D3adcell]

Do not let her spend your money. Otherwise in the future, thats all she's going to want to do, spend your money and then you may even end up with money problems. You gotta put a foot down, grow some balls. If she can't handle helping out, tell her to get the fuck out. My brother is kind of in the same situation. He has alot of money problems and his wife doesnt support him or anything. Don't get so far into the relationship that you grow a vagina like him.

[Fats]

Do not let her spend your money. Otherwise in the future, thats all she's going to want to do, spend your money and then you may even end up with money problems. You gotta put a foot down, grow some balls. If she can't handle helping out, tell her to get the fuck out. My brother is kind of in the same situation. He has alot of money problems and his wife doesnt support him or anything. Don't get so far into the relationship that you grow a vagina like him.

I agree with this. I mean, what else can you do? Not doing something now could lead to a whole host of problems. I feel for you though, money can really fuck a lot up in a relationship and it's a horrible situation to be in.

[WolfmanNCSU]

When a relationship hits the financial stage, its never an easy thing (even if you are both good with money), but then it does not have to be hard either. The first step is the start the conversation about it.

Just this year (January), I combined all finances with my wife. Before then, we both lived in the house together, but kept our money separate. We split our common bills right down the middle (mortgage, power, cable, grocery) and kept our individual stuff (cell phone, student loans, etc) apart. Before then, we both had jobs, our own money, our own places, our own lives - so this adjustment took some time before we just combined.

When we first decided to start the process, knowing the wedding was in June, we set a goal together to have combined everything by January of this year. We actually scheduled ourselves a business meeting. We went out, grabbed a pizza, and sat down with spreadsheets and Quicken reports of all of our assets and liabilities. How much money we have coming in, and how much is going out.

The most important thing we did, was set our values. We determined what is import to us, because that's obviously where we feel that more money should go to. Example of a value would be something like "security". If that is something you value, then you most likely feel good about having money built into your savings accounts etc for emergencies and not living paycheck to paycheck. (We were lucky that we had many of the same values, so this part was easy).

If anything at first bro, just sitting down with a break down will help the most. It will help her understand and visually see the numbers. I have met a lot of people not really understand the value of that dollar, just because they never had to be on their own before; they always had someone who took care of those decisions so they never learned.

Lastly, I for the most part hate books on finances. But their is one book that I read and have kept. This one....

http://media.bestprices.com/content/isbn/42/0767904842.jpg

It does a great job describing how to set values and make goals that will allow you to increase your financial power and feel like you are in control of your money, not money in control of you. This book is also written in the format of two people coming together to combine their money, so it kinda hits home in this situation, and also helps remind you that you have to respect your partners values, etc.

Anyway bro, enough long post...I hope this helps some and good luck. If you ever want to chat about it more, just hit me up or ask away in this thread. Like I mentioned, its not easy, but it does not have to be hard.

[[[tavis]]]

Sounds like she may not be ready to grow up yet.
Good luck.

she's 19. no shit. haha.

SW sorry to hear it. hope all gets better

[ChriZno]

Wolfman's advice seems to be the best so far, as well as Viper's. Setting reachable goals sounds like the way to go. Planning ahead and being in control of your own economy.

I suck with money, I don't even live from paycheck to paycheck. I spend it all in like a week, and then I'm broke for 3 weeks, leeching off my roommate. And I feel horrible about it. It's definitely a vicious circle, though, because I'm behind on the rent, and I gotta pay my roommate back every month. In my current financial state, I would never move in with a girl. Because I know that unintentionally I would end up leeching off of her.

Seems like your girl has a similar problem to mine, she's not very good with money either. What you gotta do is step up and let her know that you can't keep paying for her this way. She has got to learn somehow. Or else she, and in effect you, will be stuck like this for a while. And it will most likely just get worse. That book wolfman recommended might help.

[Silent Warrior]

well we talked. i told her how i felt. how i cant be paying for everything. that we agreed 50/50 on everything. she said she knows and shes sorry. but......i also found out that she was fired from her job last week and was scared to tell me because i would get mad and didnt want to fight. so now, she hasnt worked for almost 3 weeks. on sat, we went grocery shopping. and guess who payed? me. i also cooked dinner that night. i asked her if she could cook breakfast the next morning. she said yes. so next morning rolls around and i ask her. she said no she didnt want to cause she didnt want to do the dishes and she was lazy. so i cooked breakfast for the both of us and made her clean the dishes and clean the house. i dont know what to do anymore.

oh and we talked lastnight too. she said that sometimes she feels like shes 30 because she wants to hangout with friends and party and shit like that and i dont want to party. and that she shouldnt be cooking at 19.

[Blaksmoke]

Yeah, I wouldn't want to cook either, to be honest.

[Fats]

Since when did Cooking become an older persons activity? I fucking love cooking... Gah...

[Silent Warrior]

great, if my life couldnt get any fucking worse. my job just layed me off. mother fuck. now im fucked.

[Fats]

Shit man, sorry to hear that. :(

[Otacon305]

Time to kick that vagina-clad anchor to the curb. Tell her to scamper off, back to sophomore year, and if she starts hungering for a good blow on the meat whistle, she knows where to find it. Under a decent, steady job, and a pile of dishes.

And as for your own employment, don't worry about it, man. You seem to be a responsible, hard worker. And if worse comes to worse, you could always whore yourself. Or become a hobo... with a theme! Like the crazy old pilot who talks to pidgeons. Or "argues with inanimate objects in gibberish" guy.

[MaceSin]

Rid of her.

[Milly]

Dude that sucks about you losing your job... Now would be a really good time for your girlfriend to start pulling her weight

[Jonny Royal]

Alright, there is something wrong when this girl sounds like my 11 year old brother when my dad tries to get him to do chores. He says he will do them but just waits and waits because he knows that either my dad or I will do them. I can understand that you are in love with her and you don't want to end things with her but she REALLY needs to grow up.

[masteratt]

The only downfall of a man: Woman.

Be wise and think of yourself.

Unless now that you lost your job (:() maybe she'll help. If she doesn't....:gunner:

[Milly]

Again in the defense of women WERE NOT ALL THAT BAD!
Granted im so very much not housewife material but there you go, I pay my way and pull my weight. If she doesnt start helping out now, show her the door

[HolyPaladin]

Sounds like she may not be ready to grow up yet.

Confound it, you've beat me to it again.

My buddy of roughly eighteen years and counting was with a younger girl at the start of this year. He was twenty-five and she was eighteen and finishing up high school. He's not entirely grown up and totally responsible, yet, but their relationship was weakest at her end where she just simply wasn't grown up at all. I doubt that I can explain their relationship away in any number of sentences, but it more or less came down to her not being ready for serious commitment of any kind, either to a man or to adult stuff like jobs and bills. Yeah, she technically worked, but just at a Burger King and just for money to blow on beer and cigarettes. Their relationship fell apart and it was him that was left hurting. She just simply wasn't mature enough, yet.