Quite a bit of information...

[Unspoken]

So yeah, I just got news from my parents recently, but tomorrow morning my mother has to go into surgery. She had her colon cleansed recently, but for some reason it was extremely painful for her, even with three times the medication. So, they have to do some surgery on her, and I have the option not to go. I don't know if I should go or not. If something were to happen, I'd want to be there. I know nothing is going to happen, but you know, for good measure. Also, I don't know how to get to that hospital from where I live, so if something were to happen, somebody would have to take me.

But if this ends up hurting her too bad, then I'll have to cancel a trip to Bloomington on this Saturday, which I'm taking quite a few people up there. It would really make quite a few people angry if I didn't take them. I'm sure my reason is perfectly valid, but we've had this planned for a very long time.

Speaking of approval, this is probably the biggest one out of them all... I've only told three forumers, but I think I can trust you all to not make too much of a deal of it, but... I'm 99.3% positive that I'm gay, though I'm sure some of you other ones could tell. I can't exactly explain that number on here, but those three forumers know what I'm talking about. But I've been hesitant to post this here, because if someone in my family found out, I'd be out of the house and out of the family. It's been made clear to me throughout my life that if I were homosexual, I wouldn't be able to depend on them. And I have no fall back yet, so I'll be moving away when I can, especially because the community I live in is only pro-hetero and pro-white. They are very prejudice, saying the least.


So yeah, there's a bit of my heart and soul as of late. Take from it what you want. I just ask you to keep my mom/me in your thoughts/prayers.

[Blaksmoke]

The worst possbile thing you can do is pretend to be someone you're not to appease other people. I mean, I'm not in you situation, but...that's my advice. I don't know you or your family, but I don't think your family would denounce you over such a thing.

[Khaos]

I know both things have been causing you some stress for awhile. If I were in your shoes, I would go with my mom, simply to show support. As much as it pains me sometimes, I try accompany my mom when she asks (she doesn't ask too often) and help her out when she asks it.

Regarding your acceptance, no one here knows your family better than you do. A lot of sites recommend actually that you come out to your parents after high school or even college, lest they pull support from you. It's sad; I know the feeling. You feel like you're lying to your whole family by pretending to be something you're not, and you want to rectify it. But if you tell them, you fear they will cease to love you, or atleast not love you the same.

It's hard, and I haven't found the solution yet either.

[Bryan]

That sucks about your mom, dude. I'm sure it will be fine, don't worry. Problems like the one you're describing are usually due to a condition that is very managable. You should go tomorrow, though. What do you have to do that could be more constructive? Besides, good family relations will be a wonderful thing to maintain for the rest of your life. Or the next couple years. They will come around eventually, which leads me to my next paragraph.

Regarding homosexuality: Hey, you are as you are. I don't think any (or at least much) less of you than I did before, so we should be good to go on that whole foruming business. We shall partake in posting still, and in MSN conversations. There are people around here, and any place you may find yourself who will look down on your lifestyle. They can't change it, and neither can you. People will do what they believe to be right, and they will act in a way that is consistent with who they are. Given that knowledge, don't allow yourself to be belittled by anyone -- nor should you play their games, lest you become just as they are.

Let them discriminate. It only makes you the better man when you don't go along with it.

I'm also glad that you can be honest with yourself, and some of the people around you. We may be blurbs of text in a virtual field, but some of us give a damn. You obviously need support, and I for one, am prepared to offer you what I can. It isn't much, Max. I can listen, I can offer advice, and I can bullshit with you. In August, I can buy beer for you. But until that day, our bargaining chips are very minimal, indeed.

Just thought you'd like to know.

Good luck with everything, man.

[Carlos]

Unspoken, I'm sorry about your mom.

You seem like a cool guy an all..but homosexuality?

*sighs hard*

[kaphwan]

I've no idea what this must be like. My mother enjoys good health and even a rural community in outback Queensland have borne no prejudices against me. The only people saying those words to me were the ones saying things to me since forever, and they just found new things to call me. My mum knows I'm gay, and says my happiness is the number one priority (she observed that now that I have nothing to hide, I've been so much happier).

Nobody can define who you are but yourself, and don't be too hasty to do it. It's already been said that you can still have preference for one gender while having capacity to enjoy both. All Rob and I can do is give examples of our own lives; it's up to you to determine where your true feelings lie.

Go with your mother. She needs you there for her. Having her son by her won't stop the pain, but it will help her bear it more than any chemical ever could. I know that deep down you love her more than you're afraid of a few people being annoyed that they can't go on some trip. If they can't understand missing a trip so you can support your sick mother, you need to find new friends, pronto.

I remember the anguish of living in the closet all too well. Wanting to keep the current state of lying about girls you like and avoiding questions and topics that are "unsafe" versus losing everything just for the chance that you can have an honest relationship with your friends and family. It's always a tough call.

Consorting with people, both online and offline, I've seen too many different stories to say what will happen to you. Some people's families have loved them for who they are, even learnt to see past their existing beliefs in light of new information. Others haven't worked out so favorably; one person I know (also named Jeremy :P) was thrown out of his house at 14 on coming out, and survived as a chickenhawk for most of his teen years. He's 22 now and has found a publisher for the diary he's kept during since being disowned. The important thing is to still love your family. If the shit hits the fan, and they refuse you as a part of them, don't let it change how you think of them.

Prayer. I don't usually pray to *ask* for anything in particular; asking God for something when He's given me so much is selfish imho. I'll make an exception for you. You have so much more on your plate right now than is deserving of a 16-year old. That you and your family be given the strength to endure any hardships that approach in your general direction.

[frosty]

I do recommend not making your mind up fully on your sexual preference until you have fully matured and have gotten through all of the pubecent-post pubecent hormonal onslaught. If you are still 21-22 years old and still feel the same, then consider it the way you are. I don't endorse it, but you are far too young at this point to have your mind made up on such an important aspect of life.

[Carlos]

I'm with Frosty on this one. He took the words out of my mouth.

[Phoenix]

In response to the second part: While there may be a lot of reasons that some people believe they are gay, many, many of them are false reasons (lack of success with the opposite sex being the most common, although I'm making no accusations.) I am a firm believer that sexuality is something that someone can be born with as well as something that can be acquired from life events and mostly from your own opinion of yourself. Basically, you start to become what you believe you are. You're only 16, it is far too soon to be able to tell these things for certain. If you keep telling yourself that you're gay you probobly will become gay, even if you aren't. While I'm personally against homosexuality, my best suggestion is to be yourself, paying no mind to this kind of stuff and not letting your opinion of yourself change your identity one way or another.

[Bryan]

Okay.

Frosty, when you were 16, did you know what your sexual preference was? And what of you, Phoenix?

I assume you're both straight. When did you know?

[koten]

I'm going to make a bullet list to aid me in keeping my thoughts in line, as they have a tendancy to get away from me.

- There is nothing more imporant in this world than your immediate family and loved ones. I don't condon the idea that love is unconditional (it is not) but when someone you love and care about and has played an important role in your life needs you, it is unfair to put yourself before them. Go with your mom and make sure that the surgery goes according to plan. Even if nothing goes wrong, it'll be nice to see her when she's better.

- In case something does go wrong, make alternate plans with your friends now. You still have time and in case something goes wrong and you can't go with them, they can find another way to get to Bloomington. If they can't, I'm sure they'll be much happier to have had some forwarning and time to try and find an alternate ride than to get a call on Saturday calling the whole thing off.

- Determining that you have a different sexual preference is not something to be taken lightly. Take a step back and look at it objectivly. Why do you think your gay? When did you first start to get the feeling that you might be gay? Are you legitimatly attracted to males or is it something that's just been on your mind recently and can't seem to shake? The most important thing to do is to ignore any outside influences that may be effecting your judgement and focus solely on what you feel.

- If you decided that you are gay, then things become a bit complicated. Keeping secrets is something I'm against, especially if it's something like this. I'm not telling you to immediatly come out to anyone, because even if you are one hundred percent sure you're gay, that doesn't automatically make you. What you should do first and foremost is to find a group of friends or someone that you are close with to tell your feelings to. Usually friends are understanding about things like this and will stick by you. Once you have revealed the possibility to your friends, I say experiment. Don't go out and fuck the first gay guy you see, instead perhaps set up a psuedo-date. Find another male who seems to be going through the same thing (could be tricky) and just hang out and see how you feel. You can't know for sure until you really feel comfortable with another male in a real life setting. Being sure in your head is one thing, sure in your heart is quite another.

- If it turns out that honestly, and truly that you are gay, that you feel comfortable with it and that you forsee this attraction remaining with you the rest of your life, then I say you avoid hiding it. Your parents love you, and they will most likely love you no matter what. They might get mad, and tell you that you're "going through a phase" or some other for of denial, but that won't change the fact that they love you. They're you're parents. They raised you and they want you to be happy.

Anyway, that's all I can think to say. I hope this helps, and if you want someone to talk to, I'll lend an ear. Take care and please try not to overthink. Thoughts are confusing and tend to be dictated by emotions. Think objectivly, as if you are an outsider looking in on the situation. Most importantly, remember, this is your life. Live it how you want.

[masonite]

unspoken, its sad to hear about your mum, i hope that everything goes well.

and i'm with frosty - everyone (afaik) goes through that sort of stage when you're going through puberty - its a hormone sorta thing - but which ever way you end up going, it doesn't change who you are, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

As for coming out to your parents....well obviously honesty is the best option unless they're real whack jobs and you think they'll hang you. literally. More often than not, as koten said, secrecy doesn't solve anything, and the reaction won't be as bad as you think. However im an aussie, and im not exactly sure about the culture over where you live. Just make sure before you tell them. Alternatively, if you're not sure, even talk it through with them, the way you're feeling, etc. But remember, they're YOUR feelings, not theirs.

[seahorse]

tell your mom your gay just as she goes into surgery.

[OnBake Platinum]

Aren't you the one having the girl troubles all the time with under-age girls or something like that? Or is that Nympho...

[Unspoken]

Haha, it was both of us, methinks.



But yeah, I decided last night that I was going to go to the hospital anyway. I'm leaving in about an hour and fifteen minutes from now.

To those concerned of my assurance in the whole sexuality thing, I can't explain all the details, but I can say that I've been conflicting this since I was about twelve. Yes, my parents/surrounding residents are religious whack jobs, and I don't have any other source of money/shelter if I do tell them that I am gay. That is why I'm waiting to get through college, then moving far far far away.

[Lucent Beam]

I'm really sorry to hear about your mother. I hope everything works out for the best.

As far as your sexuality and telling your parents or family, weight the options and do what's best in the long run. Financially, it may be worth it to keep it a secret and still be supported by them. Then again, they may surprise you and be more supportive than you think. One of my good girl friends was dating another girl for like two years and she tried to keep it a secret from her parents but they eventually found out. They tried threatened, pressuring, etc in order to get her to change but it just ended up causing this huge rift between them. It was really sad too. Her brother is a huge failure at life.. dropped out of college and community college, arrested a lot for speeding, did some jailtime for driving with a suspended license and then running from the cops.. he just did a lot of stupid stuff, but until my friend stopped dating girls, her parents make her feel like she was the disappointment.

She those 2+ years I knew her while dating those girls, she went from saying she was bi to being fully lesbian, and she swore it up and down and clearly acted on it since she was with another girl. But, in the end, it didn't feel right for her and she realized she never wanted to be a relationship with another girl. I know she still thinks girls are attractive but probably will only ever have a heterosexual relationship after this.
My point? Sexuality can be as fluid as what feels right for you at the time. If it feels right to you at that point in time, then that's what's good for you. Maybe my friend isn't really homosexual or maybe she was or whatever, but she was doing what she was satisfied with until she wasn't satisfied and then modified her chioces. It's important to just be comfortable with what you are doing and how you are feeling and not let stupid douchebags push you around, make you feel bad about who are you, or try to convince you otherwise.

Keep me posted on both issues. I hope everything goes well for both parts.

[Unspoken]

Update on the mother issue, I guess...


So we get up there, my mom is prepped for surgery, IV hooked up and everything. Then the anesthesiologist came in and looked at all the prior tests. Then a question came up in the results, and we had to postpone the surgery. So yeah, we went home. She's going to have a few tests done on Monday to hopefully answer the question. Then if it's answered correctly, she'll go into surgery soon after.

[Phoenix]

Okay.

Frosty, when you were 16, did you know what your sexual preference was? And what of you, Phoenix?

I assume you're both straight. When did you know?I don't. At least not for sure. I'm just being me.To those concerned of my assurance in the whole sexuality thing, I can't explain all the details, but I can say that I've been conflicting this since I was about twelve. Yes, my parents/surrounding residents are religious whack jobs, and I don't have any other source of money/shelter if I do tell them that I am gay. That is why I'm waiting to get through college, then moving far far far away.I'm no mother, but if I ever stopped loving/supporting one of my kids just because they told me they were gay, I would kill myself and I would deserve it. Any respectable parent would help you with your problems or at least try. At the very least, they wouldn't make things worse.

[masteratt]

Okay I finally read this thread because I got bored and my feeling was Unspoken that you want to be gay but you aren't.

Let me elaborate- You mention every time that you might be gay how everyone around you and your community is anti-gay and you keep on repeating this point more than you should.

So maybe you got bored or something and want to create conflict within yourself?
In this case with your sexuality?

I'm not trying to put you down or anything or am not trying to sound like I know you or whatever but maybe that's a thought to ponder?

Elaborated more since I'm in this thread anyway: Like a natural instinct of rebelling, you know? "everyone is so against gays, i want to be gay" and then deep in your head, you convince yourself.
again, i'm just throwing this out there, please don't come back saying "omg masteratt thinks he knows it all" or whatever, I'm simply gfiving you some thoughts to ponder.

[Bryan]

Phoenix, I just fear double standards. If you don't know what you are, then so be it.


One more thing: He says he's gay. Who the hell would know more about it than he would?

[BananaBabeQT]

I hope everything goes ok with your mom, I'll keep her in my prayers..

As to your sexuality... I can see your reasons for wanting to wait so you can support yourself, but if you are going to do that then you have to be prepared to deal with hiding it for however long you need to. mmm good luck with whatever you chose to do :(

[D3adcell]

Well a quick way to find out just ask yourself "do i find dudes and their penises attractive and get sexually aroused by them". If you answer yes to that question, you are gay.

[Phoenix]

That's not really the best course of action.

[Sinny]

My Dearest Max,

You are only 16.. You have been with one female .. Never a male .. You cannot call yourself gay until you have experienced and made up your mind .. Im sorry darling you know how I roll on this ... You cannot rule out the poon until you have smoked a cock ... Yes you may be attracted to some guys but that doesnt mean shit honestly.. Give it time pretty ... You will see your true self... Oh yes .. what is that saying? "Go with the flow".. Also to whomever said it earlier in this thread, I agree, just be yourself .. You cannot please everyone .. And if they don't like who you are .. Fuck them

There is only one opinion that matters pertaining to you .... and .. thats you, darling ..



PS. Things will be ok .. Keep your chin up.. We will talk more when I get home

[Khaos]

Everyone needs to stop telling Unspoken how he should decide what his orientation is; he can take care of it himself.

This thread's purpose is to tell you about his mother, which I feel is the more important topic, and then explain fears and reserves he feels towards his family's reaction.

With that: Max, I'll pray for your Mom. It goes without saying that I only hope everything goes for the best. She will definitely appreciate you being close to her side throughout the whole ordeal.

[Phoenix]

There's nothing wrong with trying to be helpful.

[Bryan]

I understand what you guys are trying to do, and I know you have the best intentions.

But leave it alone.

[Sinny]

Oh please.. Khaos and mysterio you are the LAST 2 who should be telling anyone to leave it be... If this thread was intended to be only for prayer of his mother Unspoken wouldnt have mentioned the rest.. Now both of you shut the hell up... Max I warned you... Now if you cant handle the heat of what people have to say then I suggest you think twice before you post shit like this again ... maybe you should take my advice next time and keep it to your damn self and out of the forums... Your friends are more then willing to help you outside this place ... Now with that said ...


Good Fecking Day...

[Unspoken]

Yeah, about that... You know how the parents I have are "religious kooks?" Well, that kinda pertains to the entire county. There's only one aged gay couple in the entire county, and they hide themselves very well in public and go to church. They get lots of threats all the time, too. Other than that, nobody else I've talked to is pro-gay or at least acceptable.

Even if it's brought up between my friends, I usually say, "I don't mind gay marriage or anything like that, just as long as those gay guys don't hit on me or anything" (my acting abilities are wonderful, apparently). So, instead of getting replies like, "Well, I guess that wouldn't be too bad," or "I don't care about that kind of stuff," I get the replies like, "During the reception, I'd bash their heads in on the curb, all four of them!" (my personal favorite) and "If I see another gay guy, I'm going to pull out my shotgun and blow his fucking brains out." I could go on, but I will stop.

Yeah, Rob and Bryan are just trying to help. They know the full scale of things, but I will still take your advice, Jenny. I do believe that you have to be in the experience to figure it out. So yeah...

Rob and Bryan, you don't need to "defend" anymore. ;-]





And on a last note, Jenny is the hottest MILF on E-mpire!

[Phoenix]

...That is not religious at all. That is pretty much as far from it as possible. Disagreeing with homosexuality is a belief generally held by Judeo-Christians and is perfectly fine, but that kind of "hate the sinner, not the sin" crap is for hypocritical hillbillies and is on the same level as "Islam" (notice the quotation marks; no hate here) honor killing. You shouldn't lump us in with those jerks. Why is it so hard to find people who aren't one of the two extremes on the issue? Pretty much everyone I hear about is either "omfg ur a homophobe!!!111one" or "omfg god h8s fagz kill da fag lol."

[Unspoken]

Yeah, I guess I shouldn't have used the "religious" term, but most of them are. That's what scares me, though, is because some of these "Christians" or whatever religion they are (I use mine) blow shit out of proportion. Just because God said that homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom of Heaven doesn't mean that they need to hate/protest them. Jesus said, if I'm correct, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." or something to that effect.

But yes, Samantha has pinned the situation that I'm in right now, I guess. ;-]

[Phoenix]

Yep. "He who is without sin may throw the first stone." Bring the mistakes of others to their attention, but never consider them inferior to yourself because of them and especially don't hate them, because you're no different than they are.

[Sinny]

Yeah, about that... You know how the parents I have are "religious kooks?" Well, that kinda pertains to the entire county. There's only one aged gay couple in the entire county, and they hide themselves very well in public and go to church. They get lots of threats all the time, too. Other than that, nobody else I've talked to is pro-gay or at least acceptable.

Even if it's brought up between my friends, I usually say, "I don't mind gay marriage or anything like that, just as long as those gay guys don't hit on me or anything" (my acting abilities are wonderful, apparently). So, instead of getting replies like, "Well, I guess that wouldn't be too bad," or "I don't care about that kind of stuff," I get the replies like, "During the reception, I'd bash their heads in on the curb, all four of them!" (my personal favorite) and "If I see another gay guy, I'm going to pull out my shotgun and blow his fucking brains out." I could go on, but I will stop.

Yeah, Rob and Bryan are just trying to help. They know the full scale of things, but I will still take your advice, Jenny. I do believe that you have to be in the experience to figure it out. So yeah...

Rob and Bryan, you don't need to "defend" anymore. ;-]





And on a last note, Jenny is the hottest MILF on E-mpire!

I think you know me well enough by now that I didnt say what I did to put you down or to tell you to shut up ... Im saying, my love, that if you cannot take the heat of what people say in response to everything you wrote then you shouldnt of posted it .. Rob and Bryan shouldnt have to nor should they defend you on this level .. My beautiful you made your bed .. So be a man and take it like the tool I know you are ;) much love sweetie you know that ...

PS. I am not a hot milf kthx

[Unspoken]

Update on the mother thing, here.


The results of her tests today were all good. Nothing is wrong with her heart, as what was assumed. The other doctor she saw recommended the same surgery that the first doctor told her to get, so that's good. Now, her surgery is moved to this Friday.

[Phoenix]

That's great news! Glad to hear that she's doing OK. Just one more hurdle to go over, and it doesn't sound like much.

[Khaos]

Good luck with everything, Max and mother!

[Jonny Royal]

Yes good luck

[Unspoken]

Sorry I have to keep bumping this thread...


But yeah, I'm about to leave with them to go to the surgery. Pray it goes well.

[ScratchedAt]

Pheonix, Frosty (i spelt Phoenix wrong again..)

Your first posts about sexuality were amazing. I wish I could rep Phoenix.. but it wouldn't let me yet.

Unspoken.. talk about a random thread. Quite a few random points.. but that's okay.

I agree that you should wait to see it. I agree with Frosty much on it, and sexuality is usually so confusing to people at such a young age. Then again... so is "depression" and.. ugh.. don't want to talk about it.

I pray the best for your mother. I truly do. Keep your head up, dawg, your life seems stressful as hell... I understand the feeling. Not in the same way.. but you know what I mean. Life is pretty shitty right now.

I came here to bitch about you bumping the thread.. but I won't do that cause I think you need to. Everyone needs that self assurance on things.. and sometimes a forum community is a good place to get it.

The homosexuality thing. Ugh, it bugs me. Not you personally, but I have so many mixed feelings about it that it's ridiculous. I don't believe gays go to hell (I'm a religious-ish man.. so I just had to say that before I proceeded) but I don't necessarily agree with homosexuality. Not ALWAYS, but I often feel that it's all in a humans head if they think they are gay.. (Like i said, I have conflicting opinions about gay)

Prozak song - "Be As"

Be what you gotta be, man. Don't hide from yourself. I wouldn't tell your parents until you're old enough to move out and be able to keep on keepin' on on your own.. It's too much stress for a kid your age.

Shee-it mane, I feel for ya tho. Like i said, keep a head up.. everything works out in the end.

[frosty]

My main beef with it is that it is physically un-natural, almost as if saying to god that it didn't create you with the proper gender (evidence of this can be seen in the way homosexuals imitate the opposite gender most of the time, and homosexual couples tend to try to imitate hetero couples as well). However, that is for a completely different debate.

As for the age thing, mysterio, nobody here knew for sure what they wanted to do sexually at 16 (in respect to how they wanted to spend the rest of their lives). Sure, both of us would have answered "straight" to that question back then, but going through such a hormonal onslaught back then quite often lead to minds changing with the wind. Many young males especially can only think about their next fuck most of the time. Most people do quite a bit of sexual experementation at that age. It's a time for such experementation, but one should wait and then decide on who they want to be with and how they want to live sexually once their bodies have calmed down just a bit from the whole pubecent hormone thing. It's why many people I know who married in their teens are now divorced (all but one couple). Once they began to mature a bit, they came to find that they felt differently about things than they did when they hooked up, and then had a broken family with children and such to deal with. Take your time kid.

[Unspoken]

Well, sorry to bump this yet again, but I'm at the hospital right now (the lady on the computer here took forever!). Anyway, my mom is staying yet another night. Basically, she's been having severe back pain. She's had a couple shots and has been taking a bunch of pills. Other than that, she's perfectly fine. She was supposed to leave two days ago, after she had her surgery, but I guess she wanted them to take care of her back as well.


On a side note, the hospital's browser sucks... Terribly.

[Sinny]

Hang in there sweetstuff .. .. Sometimes things just have to take their course

[Khaos]

On a side note, the hospital's browser sucks... Terribly.

It's a customized and dumbed down version of IE, isn't it?

[Phoenix]

Or worse - a regular version?

[Khaos]

Dumbed down IE (is that even possible?) < IE.

I feel like I am repeating what I say over the phone and post here, but good luck, man! Hope she gets her back all sorted out!

[Unspoken]

It's some new browser, methinks. I think some company just makes them for places like restaurants and hospitals so that people can't cheat the system. There's no way to close it visually (haven't tried Ctrl + Alt + Del yet...), no menus, and no right click capabilities. I wish I could remember the site that it said it was...


I'm not on it anymore, obviously.

*virtually hugs Firefox*

But yeah, I'm going to Holiday World, the Indiana-clad people's way of having a moderate amount of fun, tomorrow, and my mom should be back home. She was really bitchy about her back all that time. She kept telling the nurses about it and all that shit.