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View Full Version : Suggestions for Articles on Front Page


curryking1
07-20-2007, 01:19 AM
1. Spelling

Wounding you silly man. I think you are Gary Chaney :)

This post isn't entirely directed at you btw. Only using this because this happened to be the example I found when I quickly grazed the front page.

Read this... this was the first sentence to the DMC4 preview.

Devil May Cry 4 was available for play at the Barker Hanger...

I've skimmed a few every now and then and most of the time I find some really glaring spelling or grammatical errors.

2. Word Usage

I dunno, maybe this is just me, but when I read the stuff posted on the front page I think you guys are using complex words just for the sake of using complex words so the sentence sounds sophisticated. Maybe yes, maybe no, but I think that's what's happening and my suggestion would be to stop doing that as....

To be honest I find it really difficult to read the previews. To me, they do not flow very well, and the word choice to me is really poor, no offense.

3. Paragraphs

Maybe it's just the thin margins you guys are using but I really feel like I'm looking at a big wall of text and I almost feel overwhelmed when I try to read the stuff up there.

4. Being Brief

This might be part of point three, but I'm thinking some things said need to be more brief, flow better, and some small things that break up a good reading pattern should just not be said at all. Maybe if there's small little things that you guys want to mention, they could be mentioned through some bullet points or some kind of 'epilogue' or 'synopsis' at the end (I dunno the right word lol).

These are probably pretty basic, elementary suggestions that teachers would tell kids in highschool, but I dunno, I felt maybe I should just mention it. I'm kind of wondering about the image of the site on a professional level, and I think the articles are what would be heavily reflecting how professional the site is or can be.

Maybe E-mpire and PSINext could major as being a forum and a site that people look to for great articles? Lol :P

But I think there is lots of room for improvement on the articles for the front page. My favourite reads come from Eurogamer and I think they do a lot of awesome writing, so maybe you guys could look there for tips on writing :)

And then again, I'm no English master, so I'm not claiming to really know anything, this is just how I feel about the articles on the front page. I'm just being a visionary, but I think the articles can be a real representation of how serious you guys want to be the E-mpire to become an empire ya know? I'm rooting for you guys just so you know :)

http://psinsider.e-mpire.com/styles/psinext/images/header.jpg

Awesome graphic btw :)

Bryan
07-20-2007, 02:49 AM
I still haven't seen my article on the front page!

Viper
07-20-2007, 02:55 AM
Thanks for the suggestions, Curry. They are just but a few of the issues we're working on to improve the sites.

Dakota Grabowski
07-21-2007, 06:17 PM
I personally don't care for Eurogamer reviews. The first half of their review is personal life rant while the second half is wasted with a conclusion and a few gameplay notions thrown in.

OnBake Platinum
07-21-2007, 09:19 PM
Kronz made an awesome banner for NNow too.

http://nintendonow.e-mpire.com/styles/revolution/images/header.jpg

curryking1
07-21-2007, 09:39 PM
That is a wicked NNow banner. I'm thinking of putting them as my sig later on.

@^^ - That's true for a small portion of their reviews. But I find that reviews and previews from more professional publications are just way easier to read, pay attention to and even understand. Stuff I read here feels way to fragmented and unpredictable.

One more suggestion about this article. This is a news bit, I kind of felt it should be reported more like a traditional news bit.

I personally would've reversed these two paragraphs, I've put it below as the order is on the front page. Newspapers and big news publications would normally deliver the core body of the news piece first and then elaborate on it after, sort of like giving the main idea then further adding to it and explaining it in the next paragraphs. I changed up a bit of the thing as well.

Former Sony Computer Entertainment President and Father of the Playstion Ken Kuturagi took center stage last year. This year his successor, Kaz Hirai, is given the honor of following in the footsteps of the venerable technical guru.

''^I would suggest that paragraph below this next one...

According to business magazine Nikkei, SCEA's Kaz Hirai will be attending the Tokyo Game Show to deliver a keynote speech. The title of the speech is The Expanding PlayStation World, Business Strategy For New Growth. Kaz will make his TGS keynote debut on September 20th at the Makuhari Messe International Conference Hall. The 3 day event from September 20-23 is industry only for the first 2 days with the final day being open to the public.

P.S. You have too many commas here...

According to business magazine Nikkei, the title of the speech is, "The expanding PlayStation world, business strategy for new growth."

P.P.S. I'd also suggest 'venerable technical guru' to be 'just venerable tech guru' lol :P

I also just noticed you might've wanted to capitalize and italicize (w.o quotes) the title of the speech, I've changed it up there :P

Viper
07-21-2007, 09:58 PM
While the reversal of the paragraphs is debatable, the extra comma was my fault as I was piecing together two separate sentences at the time and forgot to remove the first comma. I'll take care of that now.

I've seen 4 reports on this topic from major media outlets and it's split on which paragraph contains the meat of the subject.

Tech is actually an informal word. Technical is the proper term.

curryking1
07-22-2007, 04:13 AM
About the reversal, ya, that's choice, lots of ways to do it.

About the wording, I think putting tech in place of technical makes it a lot more friendly, easy to read, simple, clean, you know? That was just opinion also, I'm very aware tech is just the short form of the word lol, I'm not stupid man lol :P

I dunno....

A) Venerable technical guru

B) Venerable tech guru

I'd pick B no contest, but that's just me, just way to many syllables in that descriptions for my heart to take, I'd like need a glass of water after reading through all of that malarkey! Eight syllables! MADNESS!!!! :)

Viper
07-22-2007, 04:18 AM
B would fit more in an editorial, no doubt about that. I myself actually prefer it. Given it was a news piece I felt A was the more appropriate of the two.