Twas the Night Before X-mass (If you work in retail, read this)

[=NukeBlaze=]

I work in a grocery store, therefore I suffer during the holiday season. I decided to come up with a retail version of "Twas the night before X-mas", so if you have any line suggestions we can talior it to be a better peice of writting.


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Twas the Night before X-Mas (Retail Version)
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"Twas the Night Before Chistmas"
(Retail Version)


Twas the night before Chirstmas, when all through Giant Eagle's store,
All the people were shopping, there were lines out the door.
The hams and turkeys were hung with brass hooks,
while last minute shoppers gawked their last looks.

Cans of Green beans which were once stacked in neat rows,
Where mangled and mixed, attacked by thier customer foes.
The mangers and staff prayed for an end,
Just as another 23 customers appeared round the bend.

When out of the wine isle, there arose such a clatter.
Maintenance was called to see what was matter.
A little old lady in motorized cart
Had just throttled into a rack and tore it apart.

The strong scent of wine that poured over the store
Lingered for hours, maybe two, maybe more.
When what to my ears that were sonically stuffed,
Was a rendition of Jingle Bells by Hilary Duff.

I , my co-workers , and the customers all agree
That one cannot stand such hours of song-induced glee.
The songs just kept coming like cars on a train,
For its was the same X-mass CD last year that drove us insane.

Play jingle bells, Play deck the halls, Play to grandmas house we go,
Play X-mass tree, Play silent night, Play other renditions sung by some schmoe.
The songs they did circle all around in my head
As the store's random track playback caused me great dread.

The shift of eight hours was more than one could bare
As the time clock’s blank look gave no comfort, just despair.
From the corner of my eye, I saw that my manger flew
To the top of customer service to see what she could do.

With a twitching and tilting of the customer's head
They demanded that the Chestnuts were priced $2.99 instead.
With a check of the tag, a diffrent price had been found.
So they stormed toward the door, putting displays on the ground.

The cut-out of saint nick, to the floor that the irate customer had put
Lost part of his leg, as a rouge cart tore off his foot.
Glue and tape could not fix this monopod elf
So the back of the store he went until better health.

A customer in line whose face my mind could not carry
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
It seemed that management had chosen their Kringle
Whom soon around all around the sticky children would mingle.

With a mouth guard clamped and held tight in his teeth
A horde of children darted by one of the store's Christmas wreaths.
Praying for the governor’s pardon on the telle,
His plea with the heavens was shattered like a glass jar full of jelly.

Crying at the man whom gifts they demanded.
Only to be consoled by the candy canes they were handed.
The clock gave grace to the tired old clause,
He departed his chair to retrieve some medical gauze.

Outside the lot attendant slaved in his work
Cleaning up the buggies left by some lazy jerk.
Dodging the traffic that cared not for his well-being
And blinded by the light on the snow that prevented his seeing.

He sprang to the front of a long row of buggies
Pushing and dodging discarded juice huggies
But I heard him exclaim as he crashed through the front door
MERRY CHIRSTMAS TO ALL, NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF THE STORE!

[Wise Tim]

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA...snif

the pain... my sides... it hurts...

Try to get the company to buy that poem. Or at least get it on Bob and Tom.

[Vishus]

That was pretty good.

[Poida]

Yeah I liked it.

[Perfect Agent]

What fancy telly do you have that makes phone calls?

[=NukeBlaze=]

^ A highly advanced television and telephone system.

Could not make "Phone" rhyme, so I used telle.

[koten]

Tis the season...

of massive capitalistic gain... but still.

[Poida]

2 More Sleeps!!

[Pro A.]

I feel for you, my friend. I push carts, primarily, and I can feel the strain. I've nearly been hit five times in the last week. Bunch of old fucking ladies who can't drive. I work tonight and tomorrow morning. Thank god no working on X-Mas.

[Sendok]

while i don't work in retail i do work in service, and i feel your pain.

[=NukeBlaze=]

Slight update to poem.


Wish me luck, I work an eight hour shift X-mas eve. Its dark in here, and we may die.