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#1
08-26-2004, 01:35 AM
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Best. Album. Review. Ever.
Coldplay - Parachutes
This is funny. Watch this. Put on your local indie-rock station. Probably you're going to turn on the college station, which means that you'll have to sit through an hour of solipsistic DJ banter or maybe a set by the Tuvan Throat Monks, but sooner or later the bands with the cry-for-attention drama cuts on their wrists'll start warbling about ex-girlfriends, flying, and their own mortality. Which is a roundabout way of pointing this out: indie rockers think they're the living end shit because they listen to Weezer and Coldplay, and how underground is that? But then you turn on Mtv, and after 6 hours of gameshows and bling-bling documentaries, they are going to validate themselves the same way that the indie rockers do. This is a death-knoll for indie. I'm very, very sorry, but you're going to have to get all your little emo tattoos covered up. Anyhow, when I first heard "Yellow" on the radio, I thought Thom York had a stalker, and that said stalker would be summarily hunted down and punished. I wasn't too sure what the constant refrain of "?and it was all yellow" was referring to, but I swear to God it made me think of vitamin pee. It still does, actually. And that yodeling thing that he does, while it's supposed to sound- I dunno, haunting?- just sounds like the singer is still struggling with adolescence. But the album kept popping up into my world. Friends would be playing it as we ate dinner. Girls would try and use it for a soundtrack for sex (absolutely not. It is definitely an album that makes people feel the need to express undying love a few seconds after orgasm. And few things in this world obliterate afterglow faster than a confession of undying love.). And the radio was practically trying to rape me with Coldplay! Coldplay! Coldplay! So finally I sat down and listened to the whole album to determine whether or not it was Art. It wasn't. It was well produced, so slick you could slide right down it, but do you know what you have when you produce an album full of clich餬 whiny, Brit-pop? Crap. I wanted to break the lead singer's fingers. Not once, but again and again throughout the course of the album, I wanted to cause him pain. It was annoying. Like you know when your friend comes over and her boyfriend just broke up with her and she's crying her eyes out and you have sympathy for like ten minutes of "there, there, it's okay," and then the sympathy stops and suddenly you utterly understand why the guy left her in the first place and you want to scream at her to just stop already, Jesus Christ, you only dated for three months but it goes on and on and finally you think up some lame excuse about why she has to leave? It was exactly like that, except that there was no possibility of sex. http://ruthlessreviews.com/coldplayparachutes.html 
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#2
08-26-2004, 01:58 AM
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I'm going to review a Coheed album or something and say how shitty it is. Because Coldplay has about 10x more talent than Coheed.
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#3
08-26-2004, 02:05 AM
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Quote:
 Coldplay fucking sucks. They can't play instruments and the vocals are absolutely terrible. I can understand how some people would not care for Claudio's vocals, but when it comes to playing instruments they are extremely talented. Coldplay couldn't touch Coheed when it comes to talent, because quite frankly, Coldplay has none and Coheed is loaded. It'd be like kicking a retarded puppy, with Coldplay being the retarded puppy, of course.
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#4
08-26-2004, 03:37 AM
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That's your opinion, and I'm with Suzuki. I dig Coldplay much more than Coheed, though I do like Coheed. To say that they are lacking talent is retarded in itself. The lead singer has a voice that gives me goosebumps at times, whereas Claudio's vocals make me cuss up a storm.
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#6
08-26-2004, 04:42 AM
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Coldplay is freakin' awesome. I love the piano sounds in Clocks.. Vocals aren't too bad either.
Coheed and Cambria suck. They just pick really fast, but they do have a nice sound. That is until the vocals kick in. Sounds like whiny girls who didn't get there way. Makes me want to cringe. Their music videos suck too.
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#9
08-26-2004, 11:50 AM
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That was a very opinionated review.
The guy didn't even make a point except to say that the vocals really annoyed him. Which he then proceeded to reiterate again and again. Do people really have nothing left to care for other than listening to people say how much is Chris Martin's voice is high-pitched and that it annoys them? How many times can one person listen to the same phrases over and over again. It must be like recording your own voice and playing it back repeatedly. Maybe your Coldplay hating friends never tire of 'The Coldplay guy has a high pitched voice! Hahaha!!!' jokes, but the rest of the world wishes that you would all move on. Find something newer to make fun of, because this got old over three years ago. I wish people would stop saying 'My band is better than your band' because we aren't going to change our taste in music. I for one am glad that you enjoy your kind of music, but do you really have to bring it down to a competetive level, where nothing can ever be proven? (Except the popularity of a band, maybe.) And I thought that usually the more well-known and popular band was, the less underground 'points' they score. Because we all know that all popular bands are both comercial and mainstream, and therefore bad. Oh, and I just now heard a very small selection of Coheed And Cambria. I must say, if you listen to these guys then I thought for sure that you'd understand that certain singers won't appeal to everybody. Chris Martin may sound pre-pubescent and high pitched, but this C&C guy sounds like he's half woman and half helium. But you know what? I'm not going to mock him every chance I get for over three years. I'm not going to say they suck either. I'm just not going to listen to them! What a novel idea! Alexander Graham Bell didn't invent the telephone so he could listen to people talk. He invented it so that he could hang up! So let's recap. Not everybody likes what everybody else likes. It's childish to make fun of people's personal preferences. Both Coldplay and Coheed & Cambria have equally easily unlikeable voices. Be kind to your fellow man. Even underground/indie is becoming mainstream. Don't listen to music you dislike. For nobody in particular's information, I don't have anything better to do than type this up.
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#11
08-26-2004, 05:21 PM
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Do not group Disturbed with Sevendust. Do not.
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#13
08-27-2004, 01:14 AM
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Incredibly funny stuff.
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#17
08-27-2004, 04:47 AM
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Quote:
Plus, i dont think Coldplay was going for "indie". Its more pop.
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#19
08-27-2004, 03:46 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
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#20
08-27-2004, 09:19 PM
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Both Coldplay and Coheed sucks, so why agrue over who sucks more.
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