Meeting new people / Finding things to do

[gnznroses]

So here's the deal: I'm not friends with the people that I used to be friends with, and I have literally 0 friends. With some exceptions it's pretty much been like that for five years. I work from home (for the past year and a half or so), so I don't have a job to socialize at. I'm not in college/school. I spend most of the day working on my computer, and when I'm not I pretty much just play PS3, etc.
I'd kinda like to get out of the house, have something to do, and meet new people. But I dunno how. I'm not into bars, clubs, all that nonsense. Mostly I only ever leave the house to go to the store. Occasionally I'll go to a basketball court for a little bit, but not too often. Give me some suggestions -- I'm bored.

[cubist]

Ok, so is getting a not from home job a dealbreaker? How about a weekend job, or something that's only two or three days/nights a week? Maybe this is simply not practical for you, I only bring it up because after school, work is by and large the most common place to make friends. It's where all mine are.

If not, any interest in joining a gym or something? That sort of thing would take longer, before you eventually start to chat to someone who attends regularly. My mate's last girlfriend turned out to be the girl who worked at some sandwich shop across the road from the gym, cause he would go there all the time and eventually just got used to seeing this person.


If you like basketball or some other sport maybe you should find somewhere to play more regularly?

Other than that, any hobbies or interests you have, you could look around for something of the sort.

Last resort, start going to church. You'd... be surprised as to the kind of people you can meet, lol

[The Dude]

I happen to be in almost the same situation

I have only a few semesters of school left, most of my friends have already graduated and moved away. It's really sad seeing your best friends move all over the country only keeping in touch with them through the internet. It sucks to go from having a click of tight knit friends to being a bit of a lone wolf. You don't need to go to clubs or bars to meet people. Get out there and start to do things you like to do, if you like basketball join a pick up league, you will make friends if you aren't weird or desperate. Really you just have to get out of your house and do stuff, join a club, volunteer or whatever just anything to mix up yourself with other people your own age.

[cubist]

^^ Volunteering is a fantastic suggestion. I'm going to pretend we're voting, 'cause I definitely second that.

[gnznroses]

Although I kinda liked my last one (putting together furniture at a Big Lots -- which I had to quit after injuring my back there), I have more than enough work as it is. And I don't need the money, so that would be weird.

I'm an atheist, so church is a no-go, lol
Volunteering is so not like me, lol.

I did think about a gym, but I'm not a weight-lifting kind of guy (I weigh 117). I would like to work out actually, but i'd be a little embarrased to go work out considering i'm a weakling, lol. I probably couldn't either, due to my back and neck problems.

I'd like to find a gym though that has an indoor basketball court. It's usually either too hot or raining outside. I wouldn't be into a league though, I'd like something more leisurely. I don't even like large games, just 2 on 2 or something. More laid back. I'm far from being a sports person.

I play video games. I do stuff on the computer. I shoot pool on a pool table that I have. I read magazines when I get a chance. I watch TV. I listen to music. None of it is social stuff. I dunno of any public/social things that I would be interested in. I used to just hang out with my friends at my house or theirs, so it's hard to meet people who are like me.

[Greg]

You just need to get out there and do something find a hobby and join a club or something centered around that. I used to be the same way all my friends gone and no one to talk to but the guys I work with, who were cool but we rarely hang out outside of work. Then I finally bought a jeep that i had been wanting and then joined a jeep club and made all kinds a friends that way. We regularly hang out and work on someones jeep or hit the trails with them. So yeah join a club or something of some kind.

[The Dude]

Although I kinda liked my last one (putting together furniture at a Big Lots -- which I had to quit after injuring my back there), I have more than enough work as it is. And I don't need the money, so that would be weird.

I'm an atheist, so church is a no-go, lol
Volunteering is so not like me, lol.

I did think about a gym, but I'm not a weight-lifting kind of guy (I weigh 117). I would like to work out actually, but i'd be a little embarrased to go work out considering i'm a weakling, lol. I probably couldn't either, due to my back and neck problems.

I'd like to find a gym though that has an indoor basketball court. It's usually either too hot or raining outside. I wouldn't be into a league though, I'd like something more leisurely. I don't even like large games, just 2 on 2 or something. More laid back. I'm far from being a sports person.

I play video games. I do stuff on the computer. I shoot pool on a pool table that I have. I read magazines when I get a chance. I watch TV. I listen to music. None of it is social stuff. I dunno of any public/social things that I would be interested in. I used to just hang out with my friends at my house or theirs, so it's hard to meet people who are like me.

Dude, everyone does those things, its up to you to make them sociable. We are not going to hold your hand and tell you exactly what you should be doing to meet people. Cubist and I gave great examples on how to meet people, it's up to you to know yourself well enough to find things you like to do. If you don't know, great! Get out there and start to try new things, you might not like all of them but follow up on the things you enjoy.

[Boggy700]

Get on MySpace and add every single person you can find who lives in your area.
It's got to be good for something, right?

[cubist]

Boggy!

I love Boggy.

Anyway, The Dude Abides - I mean, er, The Dude is right. I know what it's like man, but you've gotta put in some work. I'd sure be embarassed to go to the gym, I'm pretty skinny and I'd be afraid of looking foolish, but you have to say, well, fuck it, and go anyway. You -will- get used to it, you'll stop worrying, maybe you'll even feel better about yourself, put on some weight or something. It would be a step forward man, and nobody can make it happen for you.

You might try something and find it doesn't work out for you, but that just means you should try again. We're not ragging on you, I think a lot of people here have been in your position at one time or another, so we understand how hard it is to find motivation with no guarantee of success. The most positive thing I can tell you is things change man, you never know when the smallest thing will affect you. Life's pretty fucking random, it can work in your favour.


So this is what I want from you: I want you to choose something, and come back here and tell us what it is. Even if you're not sure it's "the right thing", even if you're not sure it will work out. Doesn't matter. Then I want you to give it a go, and keep us updated on how it's going. Hell, go play pool at a bar three nights a week, because the point is not the activity or the locale, it's the social aspect.

Will you do that?

[mysterio]

Take a shower, and stop wearing those fucking Magic: The Gathering T-shirts.

Take a night class.

Take out personal ads. "Will pay for friends..."

Wear a tuxedo to Denny's with no explanation whatsoever and wait for the drunkards and hookers to start asking questions.

[gnznroses]

lol

i'm trying to think of something. get tired of being in the house all the time. i appreciate the feedback, even if i do shoot down most of your ideas, lol.

i live in WV and there's not much to do around here. so most guys either hang out in bars or join the army.... i've never even had a beer. not that you have to drink to shoot pool, but i just like to stay away from that scene. and i don't think i would like the kind of people i would meet in there. too much drama and bullshit goes on. i'm laid back and hate that kind of thing. i'm up for something new, but i have certain opinions that i'm not going to change.

i've looked around on myspace a few times. i'd feel weird sending friend requests to people i don't even know, but maybe i'll do that. this is a pretty small town though so it pretty much sucks.

[Negativity]

Go to gaming internet cafes, they tend to have regulars you'll get to befriend whom will eventually introduce you to drugs and clubbing (though since it'll be with them, you'll find an enjoyable element to cling to in these areas you dislike).

I'm half-friends with a guy like that, he's actually quite happy. He gets women and friends who all pretend not to be nerds, but become lame-ass calculators/competitive warthogs when playing video games.

[Fiend]

I think you're biggest problem is negativity. I don't do this or do that.


JUST DO IT.

[Gummy]

lol bryan described his terrible past.

Find an outside job, part time I mean.
Best Buy maybe?
Or whatever store that a lot of people your age work.

Playing basketball with people helps, unless you're a terrible player.
You don't need to be lifting, just do cardio and get toned up.

I'll think of something else...

[TrueVCU]

I'm in much the same position, gnzn. Just moved 2 hours away from my old circle, and attempts at branching out socially have so far been... less than successful. I suggest meetup.com. Great way to find ppl of similar interest. I would've met some great ppl off there but the digital photography group I joined promptly collapsed a month later ><

[MichaelXE]

One word...

www.myspace.com

or go clubin...

[dncardman]

Okay honestly man..if you want to change your life.you seriously need to push your comfort level. None of this..well..I've never done this before or...i'm not tooo into THAT. You have to expand your experiences and comfort level...which will pay off in fun, friends, and possibly fucks.

[PeterUK]

Things I tried in a 'similar' situation to you.

Build/realise my identity/character
Be indifferent.
Be the exception to the rule.
Joined volunteer clubs.
Practiced approaching people with leaflets.
Started small with checkout girls/at the gym/rowing.
Found free things to do, e.g. I go freeclimbing down by the sea.
Turn off my computer.
Improved my body language
Speech therapy.
Practiced cooking.
Experimented with university societies (at the start of the year, really).

P.S. About being too much of a 'weakling' check out the 5x5 Starting Strength routine. The something awful forums have some great advice on body building which is where i got most of my information from. Check out the transformations.

[Boggy700]

Grab life by the balls, you homosexual.

[Greg]

your being very stubborn gnz